Cor blimey, no wonder Marks and Spencers are losing money hand over fist (or should that be knicker over pashmina), it took me 20 minutes wandering around their Flagship Store in Kingston trying to find the slipper department and then another 15 minutes to locate the sandwiches. If I hadn’t had to buy presents and then food, I would have marched right out of there. Aaargh! how I hate shopping. Why my family and I can’t just exchange vouchers or even hard cash on 25th December, I don’t know.
Exhausted and defeated, I limped to richardbajor's house where he provided sustenance in the form of dried fruit and I offered him some parkin that I’d made especially for Bonfire Night, which we spent down the Kingsmeadow (Richard whispering: “AFC Scum” under his breath) and where, after 20 minutes of pointless banter from the DJs at Radio Jackie (“The Sound of South West London and North Surrey”), we watched the sky supernova, glitter snakes and red comets explode, fizzing stars and diamond chandeliers falling into our eyes, literally, as some of the detritus scatters. Afterwards, we went to the Willow Tree which has recently been bought by a Korean family who use the regulars to translate “3 pints of IPA”. Richard lamented that there weren’t as many “domestics” or pensioners falling off stools as there used to be.