In the midst

[millionreasons]

Jenny Diski has inoperable cancer and 2-3 years to live.

I don’t know how I feel about this.

Because she’s an engaging and erudite writer, I’d always turn first to her articles in the LRB. Then I noticed she was on twitter, so I followed her. To my surprise, she followed me back and we occasionally have little conversations, not about anything particularly deep: cold-brew coffee or Orange Is the New Black, which she doesn’t rate as much as everyone else does. So it’s a shock to find out that she’s going to die in the near future, but I don’t know her, not in a real way. It feels wrong to state my feelings of (pre-)loss about someone I've never seen in person. That is for her actual friends who will have an actual bereavement.

When Matthew Fletcher from Heavenly and Keith Girdler from Blueboy died, it was strange. I felt very upset, but guilty about that feeling because their family and friends had the right to be bereaved, not me, I enjoyed the music of, but did not know these men. On the other hand, they weren’t famous enough for there to be a world-wide mourning à la Kurt or Amy. Outside of the world of indie, people didn’t know who they were. It was a small circle mourning.

I very much dislike the bandwagony, hysterical outpouring of grief when a celebrity dies, whether it be Diana or John Peel. I was not upset by Richard Attenborough's death - as much as you can admire his body of work, he was 90, he’d had his time. Anything above your allotted three score years and ten is a bonus. You’ve done well. You’ve (probably) lived longer than your ancestors, you’ve done a lot better than someone who lived and died a hundred years ago. You can acknowledge a famous person's meaning and contribution without claiming that the world is an infinitely sadder place without them. When Morrissey dies, I will be sad, but I think even the most ardent Moz fans know that his best work is behind him.

I dislike the hierarchy of death, that Robin Williams’s passing is more tragic than e.g. Mike Smith’s. Both died relatively young, both had family, friends, but one is more famous than the other, so somehow one is more terrible than the other.

Someone commented that Death has been using his scythe a lot this year, but it isn’t true, it’s just that the people we’ve grown up with are now dying. When Richard Burton died in 1984, my parents were quite upset; I had no idea who he was. Ditto Roy Orbison. We’re older now and death is what happens as and when you age - that is, if you're lucky. Although I complain about them incessantly, I am lucky that I reached the age of 40 without losing a parent.

Twitter et al exacerbates the death of a celebrity: people want to be the first to announce it, others want to pay their respects, to talk about what the celebrity meant to them. When Maurice Gibb died, there was an obit in the papers. Nine years' later, Robin Gibb passed away and there was a deluge of despair - in that time, social media had happened. There's social pressure to make your own personal statement - when John Peel died, hundreds said: I wouldn't be the person I am today without him. Well, you would, you just wouldn't have loads of Bogshed 7"s stored under your bed. When Rik Mayall died, I got quite tired of reading about everyone's favourite episode of Filthy, Rich and Catflap. I don't think you can mourn someone unless you've met them.

The band Spearmint wrote You Carry This With You, about the death of a beloved songwriter, a portion of which I've quoted below:

If we had the choice between
all the things you left us
or having you here with us now
what would we choose?

We only want you here so you can give us more
that's why we're sad
we want songs like you wrote before
and is your death really any worse
than any other boy or girl's
when we never even knew you?

Diski says she’d rather be read than pitied.

Comments

[picosgemeos.livejournal.com]

Very well said! I was particularly annoyed with the excessive amount of crying surrounding Robin William's death.

The one death that took me by surprise, and I still can't quite believe it, was Joan Rivers. Maybe it's because I'd seen her recently on E! but she just seemed like she would go on and on. Also, I had no clue she was 80!!

Agree with you too on Morrissey. I think I may have finally broken my Moz spell... I have his new album but I still haven't listened to the whole thing!!

[millionreasons.livejournal.com]

I have a Robin Williams joke, but I can't tell it yet. Too soon.

[picosgemeos.livejournal.com]

Oh, you can tell me. ;-)